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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?