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The current year represents a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently fruitless pursuit in awkwardness that is increasingly shaped by online jargon.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – For Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This means seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do budget-friendly dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These usually describe specific, mostly inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still keeping a biro in their purse, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet display.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen romance authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {